Reverend

I can clearly remember the day when Kuya Lovell broke the news. It was one afternoon sometime in June 2004, I was in the sala watching TV when he handed me an envelope. I opened it and it was something unfamiliar to me, but I clearly understood what it says -- HE WAS ENTERING THE SEMINARY. I was just crying after reading the letter maybe because the fear of not having him around the house makes a lot of difference. Mahirap mang aminin, pero nakakamiss din.

Fast forward to this day, my older brother is officially a REVEREND.

I swear I cried when I saw him walking towards the altar with my mom. It was too emotional because I was really really ecstatic and proud to have a brother like him. Though at times very masungit and strict, he really has a fun side and I love him for that.

It must have been the most glorious moment of my Kuya's existence and of course, I have to give it to him. I can say that he's really happy with where he is right now. This is what he wanted all his life. Though it might be better if he married somebody but I can't see it any other way.

 The newly ordained REVERENDS with the Cardinal and their mentor (right most side)

 Look how happy he is? :)

With the "aspiring" Reverends. :)

With the whole Dominican Community.

At the end of the Ordination, we couldn't barely get close with Kuya. A lot of people wanted to get hold of him, to give him gifts, envelopes and what not and to congratulate him. He was the superstar that time. :)

The Galvez Clan

With Kuya Enzo :) He's such a cutie!

And of course, I wouldn't pass this chance of having my picture taken with my main man!

Once again, Congratulations, REVEREND PAUL LOVELL JAVIER

Sincerely,

The proud sister. :))

Random Thought 003

No matter how you love something, sometimes, YOU CAN NEVER REALLY BE GOOD AT IT. Frustrating and it sucks. Welcome to CRAPVILLE. 

FIRSTS.

I remember the first time I commuted alone. I was in my soph year in High School. I cried in the jeep because I was so scared I didn't know what to do.

I remember the first time I went to the movies alone. It was summer this year when all my UST friends were either in their hometown *ehemJustinFranciscoehem* or busy with basketball practice *ehemJericFortunaehem* Tangled made me cry like a baby.

I remember the first time I drank soda. It came out of my nose. I cried. I was only four. And from then on, I swore never to drink soda again. And I kept my promise.

I remember the day I first had my period. It was a Sunday and I was in my fourth grade. I showed my underwear to my older brother crying, thinking that I had sugat down there.


I remember my first sleep over. Freshmen year. We had to do a costume for my pageant. The day of the pageant, I was crying because of my high temp. But I bagged the best award for costume.


I remember the first time I took a sip on my cousin's pale pilsen. And as early as 10 years old, I was able to distinguish the difference between pale and light. My brother scolded me for being so ruthless.

I remember my first kiss from my first boyfriend. It was under the moonlight in Lovers' Lane. The first heartbreak followed right after.

A lot of my firsts didn't go well as planned. I cried and got hurt in the process but that made it more memorable. And it surely opened a new phase of my life.

I can still remember the first time my then boyfriend said that he still loves me. I cried. It didn't hurt. But it was so stupid of me to believe it.

I should have known better.

Random Thought 002

I TAKE IT BACK. I TAKE EVERYTHING BACK. I LOATHE YOU NOW MORE THAN I LOVE YOU. 

Random Thought 001

When you're heartbroken, you tend to do the craziest things. And that's acceptable, what isn't is when you do crazy things that make you look stupid, desperate and at times, pathetic.

I'm a mess.

I LOVE YOU IS A LIE. EVERYTHING IS A LIE.

And it’s still you all these years – the exact reason why I was not able to engage in a serious relationship. To cut the long story short we tried to reconnect when we had the chance to talk things over. I can clearly remember what happened that night. Though I am not sure what music are we dancing to but I’m pretty sure it was something that made me say “I LOVE YOU”. You were not able to say anything at all but “Ikaw naman kasi eh.” Then you held me tighter – it was like the first time again. Everything still felt the same. That was when I realized that I really am still in love with you. You hugged me. Kissed me on the forehead and said “IKAW PA DIN.” I swear I felt my head got bigger, my insides melt and my heart bursting with euphoria. And yes, I cried. I can remember Teach Me How to Dougie playing in the background and you danced just like the first time you danced Soulja Boy in front of the Main Building years ago. It got me smiling again. “God, I miss this, I miss you” was all that was repeating on my mind. Surreal and melodramatic as it may sound but this was really one thing I am hopeful for.

We stayed up until 5 in the morning talking about what happened to us, the wasted years and everything in between. It was an emotional night and melancholia surely got hold of me after realizing that this seems impossible to happen – he is committed.

We tried making it possible. A compromise was made. I gave in to the offer. I settled for less. No hesitations. No regrets. No nothing. Just strong emotional attachments. I did not think twice about the risk I am putting myself into. I guess I trust him so much that it made me believe this could work. All I know is that I am happy to be (quite) reunited with him.

My friends said that it was stupid, childish and crazy. I didn’t mind. When asked if I wanted him to be out of the relationship, I would reply the opposite. Instead, I just wished that I have the strength, enough to resist him and to not come running back to him.

It was so stupid of me. To think that this was just okay.

It was so childish of me. To think that putting myself into this kind of set-up will make me happy.

It was so crazy of me. To ever think that love is enough to actually make this work.

He wanted a time-out. Until he fix everything. I think it was bullshit. It was just his cowardly excuse for HINDI KO TO KAYANG PANINDIGAN AT HINDI KITA KAYANG IPAGLABAN.

He said he still wants me to stay, but then why is he pushing me away?

He could at least have the balls to say that last Friday night was just a one time thing. That it was just a spur of the moment or something like “no pressure, just kiss me and don’t you dare fall in love with me” kind of thing. That would be more acceptable and less painful eh. Mindfuck. That’s what he was doing. Making me believe that I’m still the one he wants and loves through all these years when in reality, I’m just his meantime girl.  

I should have known that I was just the option and never the choice. That this wouldn’t work. That this won’t make me happy and that love? It was never enough. (Insert timing, fidelity and faithfulness here.)

Lahat ng bagay, sa umpisa lang masaya – And I can testify to this.

If you are committed, be satisfied and don’t do anything foolish by messing people’s feelings around.

If you are single and in love with anybody committed this I would say to you: Kung may girlfriend/boyfriend siya at sinabi niya sayo na mahal ka niya, gaano ka na lang katanga? You can do better by not doing what I did and just WALK AWAY.

As for me, I cried a river and in the process of building a bridge over it. It may seem like the hardest thing to do, but I have to forget about the guy that forgot about me, too.

Tapos na ako. Tapos na akong umasa, dahil pagod na pagod na akong umasa sa wala. 

MEANTIME GIRLS

What's a meantime girl? She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your Company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the MEANTIME.

She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She’s not moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely and in need of intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine.

You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her.

It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool . . Why can’t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t be cause to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair.

You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs she could play the hard-to-get girl like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell or just really not that type..

Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You’ll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she’ll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile.

Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be SPECIAL to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that they may be a lot of fun, but they cry, too. A lot. And someday they won’t be around. :)

Sealed With A Kiss

One of the first blogs I made. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

I was up early to check if the weather was okay. Hello sunshine! I felt like the sun smiled at me and it felt really good.

I contemplated a little since I was not so sure if our "date" will push through. Not that i was lethargic but because of all the calamities that happened,  going out was not on top of my list. But my mind finally gave in to my heart. We went out.

Never did I think that I will have so much fun just being with him. I know it sounded wrong and kind of impossible because he is SOMEBODY. He has a girlfriend. And I wish I do too. But from that moment, all I know is I am happy. Butterflies in my stomach, his arm on my shoulder and my heart on my sleeves. It felt like the first time again. Yes, I dreamed of being with him a couple of times. Wished to have just one date with him. Imagined being next to him, talking to him and be like kids. But I never expected all of this will come to reality. I felt like a princess around him. Not just by name but literally I did feel like a royalty.

I never thought that I will have so much fun spending time with him, though it was tiring because we wandered around for almost five hours. I didn’t mind. He was there and WE were together.
It was already dark when we decided to call it a day. He insisted to walk me home but I refused what sounded to be a good offer. It’s too risky. People we know might see us and might think something malicious plus the thought of my Kuya seeing me with him gave us no chance of living at all. So we made a deal, we can walk together inside school but will separate ways at the end of the lane – the Lover’s Lane.

Side by side we walked, teased each other, his hands brushed mine and my stomach doing the tsunami waves. If you know what I mean. :) I noticed how tall he was and for the first time i felt short standing next to him. It gave me the idea that we might look good together now and in the future.

We reached the end, we exchanged goodbyes and our last final says. I was the first to walk away. Then I heard him calling my name, I looked back and saw him running towards my direction. He handed me a pack of gummy worms and marshmallows.

Me: salamaaaat! *grinns*

Him: para ka talagang bata! haha! bye na ulit! ingat! :)

Me: okay. Ingat!

..and yes, he kissed me.

I was shocked! My right fist was ready to punch him on the face. But then, something stopped me from doing it. BLAME THE BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH! 

It was unexpected, but the moment was PERFECT and the feeling? It was MA-GI-CAL. I felt like a princess in my own fairytale. It completed my day, I was really happy and euphoria dominated me. The bliss started to numb my whole system and ecstasy never left me! I just found myself, smiling and liking the feeling. :) 

He was not the guy I thought he would be. I got to admit. He has more to offer. I felt the respect and security I wanted from a guy. And that what counts the most, yes?


He did his best to make me smile, pick me up from the grave I am in and managed to knock me off my feet. I never wished for him to came, HE JUST HAPPENED, and I knew..
















I will be happy again. :)

11.11.11: Part II

This is the second installment of how I celebrated my 11.11.11. If you missed the first part of my celebration. You can read it here.

Before the start of the sembreak, my bff, Kim, invited me to a UP Party hosted by Masig Fraternity. I was hesitant at first since the notion of a "FRAT PARTY" sounds like a terrible idea.

Chilling out at Happy Lemon with friends after dinner was pretty much caught me off the mood. It got me idle to attend the party.

But what the heck. I paid 300 bucks for it. And I needed to de-stress after a long week of work right?

Off I went to Area 05. My first time to attend a UP-hosted party.

I was surprised when I saw a familiar face standing somewhere near the bar. With my friends.

I GOT TROLOLOL-ed. HA! Dustin told me that Jibben was bringing a +1 but I didn't expect that it was MY EX he was bringing.

And thanks but no thanks to these two for not giving me a heads up that he was there. WTF.

It was all awkward at first. I didn't come any close near him or them. Instead, I went straight to the party mobile, took three shots just to shoo the nervousness away. Like what do you expect me to do? I was tensed!

Diverting my attention to the dance contest, I totally forgot about everything. Okay okay. I must admit. The winner deserved the 10K pesos. I would've joined if I had the skills and the hotness factor. But sad to say, I don't have it. I just enjoyed getting wild in my small corner at the back. Where no one's looking.

And of course, all the boys are up there in the front. Enjoying the marvelous scene the girls are doing. If you know what I mean.

(L-R) Adrian, Me, Jibben.

Adrian just got back from the states two weeks ago. And this is his last night with us. We met back in High School. I was a Senior and he was just a sophomore. Don't ask me how the two of us became close. That's a different story. :) I'm surely gonna miss this. See you next year! :)

(L-R) JT, Ro, Me and DJ.

I missed partying with these people! It's been a long time and I'm glad we got reunited again! :)

Thank you Kim Janine for one kick ass party! I enjoyed every minute of it! :)

 As for me. I was a very good girl that night

Or not? :) Haha! I kid. It ended  pretty well I think. And by end. I mean closure. So yea. Thanks. :)

11.11.11: Part I

I've been looking forward to this day for over a week now. I don't know. I'm just a sucker for this shit. And it's super perfect. It fell on a Friday. Good Lord! :)

This is the first wave of how I celebrated my 11/11/11. :)

It was my girlfriend, Nie Uy's pre-birthday celebration at Korean Village in Malate. The whole gang was there except for the birthday girl, Rae Siao who was then MIA. We missed her by the way! :))

Korean dish is never really on my list of favorites but I'm open to trying all kinds of food. Especially if it's libre. *winks*. Before dining in here, I did my homework and made a little research about this restaurant. And all the reviews about Korean Village are similar. Good food. Bad service.

 One thing that sets this smokeless grill restaurant apart from the others is that they serve 4 unlimited appetizers -- Kimchi, Sweet anchovies, egg roll and I don't know the other one. :)

 As for me, I chose a bottle of beer as my appetizer. A preparation for the night's event. :)

 Nie and Aina ordered almost everything. Beef, pork and chicken. It may not look pleasing to the eyes at first, but the aftermath looks really good and tastes yummy too! :)

I forgot what is this called but it's like Bambeedum rice. I swear. It sounded like that! It was good but I never really like eggs and toge anyways.

 Look how green and fresh the lettuce is!

 This is my favorite. I personally recommend you to order their beef stew. It has the right amount of sweet and salty. Plus the beef is so easy to chew.

 Their tempura is nothing but ordinary. But being a shrimp lover, I can't help but munch over these cute little thingies.

 The tofu soup (as requested by Aina) was a bit spicy but good. But sad to say, I don't eat tofu as well. Yes. There's a lot of things I don't eat.

Aina, being a Korean fan, made us this chicken stuffed lettuce with some condiments inside. Looks weird at first but it was really good!

We were all kambings for the night! Hahaha! :)

All in all. The food was good. Just make sure you have extra clothes because after eating, you'll surely smell like barbeque too! The service wasn't that bad. They even gave us free pineapple for dessert. You should go try it. It's not pricey and the quality of the food deserves a thumbs up! :)

Thank you again Nie Uy for the treat! Happy Birthday! I love you! <3

A "JOB" WELL DONE. :)

I was in my senior year in high school when my mom broke it off. Kuya got somebody pregnant. And being a hardcore "kuya's girl" I couldn't help but cry. I was flabbergasted knowing that kuya have a girlfriend pala and he got her pregnant! Things happened so fast that it seem impossible to be happening.

Looking back, I am really thankful that it all happened. It taught me to be mature and to be independent. I was able to accept that I can't forever have my kuya all to myself. Eventually he will find the "MAIN WOMAN" in his life. He may have found his queen but I know I'm still his princess.

I love Ate Aizza. She somehow filled the absence of a big sister. She taught me everything from clothes, boys, make-up and going out.

And I'm thankful for these two because of being able to "produce" a very cute and super bibo baby -- ALLEN EZAIL JAVIER.