Most of you who will read this knows that J's been missing for 17 days now. I am writing this not to narrate what REALLY HAPPENED just because it's not my story to tell. To those people assuming that J came home already, God knows I wish you were right.
J is my first serious relationship. My "can't-eat-can't-sleep-reach-for-the-stars-over-the-fence-butterflies-in-my-tummy" kind of relationship. And honestly, it pains me that Im writing this now because he chose a different life now. A life wthout his family. A life without me.
Its all coming back to me. All the memories I had with him for the past two years. The first time we met. The first date. The first argument. The first movie we watched. The first kiss. Everything. Whats funny is that my mind's filtering all the bad memories I had with him and all I can think of are our happy moments together. His eyes, his smile (God his smile keeps flashing in my mind), the way he made me laugh, his awkward and weird ways of panlalambing - those days and nights felt so right.
It came to a point that all I did was cry and bury myself in bed all day. I didn't shower for days. Didn't eat. Didn't sleep. Everything was hurting and I felt like dying. I find it hard to wake up every morning not reading any good morning texts from him and waking up in the middle of the night, asking myself what went wrong. *sobs*
But today I woke up, thinking about Ramon Bautista's motto that "There is more to life than love". I can't keep torturing myself like this. I have to regain my life back and keep my act together. It will be hard but i can do it. I will be happy again.
If there is something good that came out from all this, it's the chance that I was able to meet new people and I gained another family in his siblings and parents. And of course I was able to prove that love really is for everybody. Only proves that there really is a silver lining :)
I guess the hardest thing right now is to live with what I always say to people: that I am okay. Eventually, I'll get through all the drama, the heartaches and the pain.
To those who are reading this now, I know that J's safe. This will be the last time I'm talking about this. He moved on already and it's gonna be my turn now.
PS. Thank you to all the people who helped me in getting through this and praying for J's safety. You will be included in my prayers.
- C.
