Random Thought 040

It was a long awkward silence. We both know we tried reaching out to each other but we just couldn't let go of what we want to say. Nobody want to go first. So I gave up. I rested my shoulders, leaned back to the car seat. It was really frustrating.

Fog starts to blur the vision of the windshield. I sat straight again and did some doodling. on the foggy windshield.

"Alam mo ba kung ano to?"

You stared for a moment, perplexed but you managed to whisper "doodles". 

I just smiled back and said "Tayo yan, may direksyon, pero magulo"

Never Date a Guy Who Smokes

Never date a guy who smokes. His whole system is covered with defamation and pretention. His creativity is shown on how good of a liar he is. His silence is disturbing. He will never tell you the truth, instead he will sugar coat it with sweet words that will surely "sweep you off your feet" He is an overthinker and will annoy you most of the time for his reasoning is far beyond normal.

Never date a guy who smokes, He will make a fool out of you. He would lie to you, tell you things you want to hear but in reality, it's not really what he is feeling. He will argue with you until you get tired and accept your defeat. He is a good heartbreaker. A confused and troubled person who would make you feel unimportant and unloved. And in the long run, he will blame you for the things he did wrong, for the things you did and for the things you did not do.

Never date a guy who smokes for he has a big ego. He is a jerk and will say things that hurt. He will send you mixed signals. You're all lovey-dovey today, then starts ignoring you the next day. Calls you just to say how much he misses you and before you know it, he drops your calls and does not reply to your texts. And because you're too hung up on him, no matter how fucked up this was, how he messed up your life, still, you welcome him with arms wide open.

Never trust a guy who smokes. He is weak. He will not stay true to his words. HE WILL BE UNFAITHFUL TO YOU. He may be brave but he will not fight for you. If you date a guy who smokes, you should know that he is like the smoke -- "here now, gone in seconds"

Or better yet, find somebody who smokes. I challenge you to date him. Be his "game changer." Be the reason why he would like to quit this habit. Be his only habit. Play his game. Listen to his stories. Be there for him. Bring him cigarettes. Be the girl he is scared to lose. FIND OUT WHY HE IS DOING THIS.

If you meet a guy who smokes, ignore him, dump him, and I beg you to NOT BELIEVE IN HIM.

A response to:  http://pilosopogyno.tumblr.com/post/22421238449#


To the guy who used to bring me ice cream in the middle of the night and the jerks I know, SCREW YOU. I'M ON PMS, BITCHES.

Date a Girl Who Loves Sunsets

Date a girl who love sunsets. Date a girl who will stay with you until the end than somebody who will just be there in the beginning. She might not be the prettiest in the crowd but she is worth the second look. Behind her bare-faced look and tanned-skin lies an interesting personality that will surely charm you.

Date a girl who loves sunsets. She is optimistic. She always try to see the good in everything. Her positivity is contagious. She's a joker. You will never have a dull moment with her. She is spontaneous and determined. She will do anything to get what she wants. She will fight for you. She will chase you like how she chases the sunset. She will not give up on you. She is a warrior.

Date a girl who loves sunsets, because you will never feel awkward around her. Don't be afraid to make mistakes for she has shortcomings too. You'll recognize her for she always has this warm smile that can light up the room. She is the girl whom you don't want to see leaving at the end of the day.

If you date a girl who loves sunsets, bring her to different places so she can witness the different views of the sunset. Be it in Manila Bay, on top of Mt. Apo or just on your roofdeck. Tell her she's beautiful. Stay with her. Ask her what beauty it is in sunsets that seems to awe her. She may be persistent and immature at times but she finds joys in the simplest things. Like sunsets.

Date a girl who loves sunsets. She's a keeper. Her eyes are burning with unending passion and love for you like how she loves witnessing the sunset. BE LOYAL TO HER. For she will never be unfaithful to you. Find time to be with her. Watch the sunset with her.

If you meet a girl who loves sunsets, be with her. Choose her.

Date a girl who loves sunsets. For they always see the beauty in endings.

A girl who loves sunsets is full of hope. She is free-spirited and believes that at the end of the day, she still has tomorrow morning.

Or better yet, date a girl who loves sunrise.





To Sam Tungul, we will never settle for less.

Missing

It was a war between what we agreed we had and what we "really" had. It was too confusing that we always end up in a fight. Hassle. You know naman na you'll never win pero you still keep on raising the same issues. It gets tiring you know? Fighting for the same reason over and over again. 

But then I realized, it was your way to keep me in your radar. 

I miss how we end up arguing because of our contradicting views in life.

I miss the fights. 

But what I miss more is the "calm after the storm part".

The nights when you bring me ice cream in the middle of the night just because we had a fight

The impromptu dates on a school day just to make bawi for your pagkukulangs.

Those wala lang visits just because you miss me. LOL

I miss the scent of your car.

I miss how you always make me a priority over your other girls (haha!)

I miss that feeling when I was with you.

I miss how things were fucked up between us but we still get through the day.

It's been a crucial week, and I am missing what we had.  

I am writing this not because I'm asking for another chance because we both know we had enough of that. I am writing this just because contrary to what you believe in, the last five (six?) months of my life was well spent because I spent it with you.

Whatever this thing was, it made me happy. 

But today, I am letting you know, that it's it totally and completely over. 

Random Thought 039

It's not that I hate Sundays. I hate the feeling of knowing that the next day will be Monday. It's like knowing that something great is about to end. It's painful but you can't do nothing much about it. It's a routine that you can't avoid. It's the standard that we have to follow.

So we meet again.

Lessons from the flash flood

It was 6:30. I was really excited to shut down my computer and go home na. But the ulan was so lakas that I needed to stay a bit longer pa in the office. I was confused on whether to go home na ba or just spend the night at my tita's condo in Ortigas which is like 5mins away lang from the office.

But I decided to wait na lang for the ulan to stop.

At 8pm, finally the rain stopped. I went home with an office mate. I took the MRT to Trinoma and she took the jeep to Sta. Mesa. I crossed the bridge to SM North where the FX terminal to Espanya is located. A long queue of people waiting for the pa-Morayta FX was there. I waited patiently for my turn but the union of drivers declared that the roads to Espanya are impassable already so we have to alight na in Rotonda which is like so malayo pa from our bahay in Dapitan. I let out a mahinang "Tangina naman.." to show my frustration.

I had no choice. It's either I get stranded sa mall or I lusong in the baha in Espanya para makauwi. Then I realized, life is tough. It's hard to make decisions when your options doesn't benefit you that much.

I also salute the FX drivers who braved the Araneta traffic just to hatid the passengers even kahit hanggang Banawe lang.

I had to walk from Banawe to Dapitan and lusong the hanggang ass na baha. But I realized again, if I am doing this, I need to be handa. I stopped over the nearest convenience store, bought a pair of tsinelas and Chillz to keep me full.

Grabe talaga the baha! It was the worst! I was like crying na talaga and people were staring at me because I was nakatanga lang. It was the funniest and the most embarrassing moment of my life.

When I got home, I realized life is like the baha. It's deep.

To Sam Tungul, for the pagpipilit to sulat this blog.

Inspired by http://sankagesteno.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/lessons-from-an-mrt-ride/

From your grip.

Birthday Recap 2012

My birthday fell on a Thursday, but that did not stop me to have a series of celebrations that started in the middle of the week. Ten years from now, I will be re-reading this post on how I celebrated my 22nd birthday and say "I live a fruitful life 30 years of my life.."

Here is a "series" of celebrations I made on the week of my birthday.

Aug. 22 - The traditional birthday "salubong" with my HS bff Kim at Central Sheridan.

I was opting for a "Smurfs" look here but somebody's finger blocked the view of the lens. But I'm posting this anyway. 

Aug. 23 - Being in the Marketing field requires a lot of sacrifices, which includes: going to the office with a bad hangover, 2 hours of sleep and your Brand Review presentations.

But it also has its perks. :)

Mud Pie from my officemates. :)

 Mango Bravo from the first supplier I hired as a "professional". If you can consider me as such. Hihi! :)

And of course, nothing beats a simple house dinner with my other HS bff, Fae. Too bad, Kim and Fae's schedule are conflicting, the exact reason for the separate celebration with them. :)

Aug. 24 - Just when I thought that my birthday celebration was over, I got surprised by the morning greeting I got from my then-officemate.

My officemates, once again, treat me out at lunch here at Mad Mark's.

 "THE" Man Sandwich is really the perfect meal for the birthday girl.

 Came dinner, we had to say goodbye to on of our teammate, Ms. Erika.

 I will surely miss her. :(

 I wasn't able to finish Ms. Erika's despedida party for a late dinner at Causeway, Banawe with Jeric Fortuna and Tata Bautista.

A supposedly house party became a party of three with Ryan and Jennika. <3 Well I guess you know what that heart means already. :)

Aug. 25 - Reunited with my 1st year and 2nd year college gfs at Danna's birthday celebration in Oasis, Timog.

Oh wait, meet my new friends, Bojo and Mads. :)

 I have always, always been the friend without the partner but I really don't mind about me going out with them without a date because there will always, always be new friends I'm willing to meet.

 Happy Birthday, Danna babes! :)

 Too bad, Nie and Jer missed the fun after they left. :(

And of course, we missed Rae Siao too! :((

Aug. 26 - An eat-all-you-can lunch buffet, gifted by my soon to be bunkmate, my soulmate, the twin sister I wish I had (TENDENCIES!!!) Sam the Great. I love her to bits. :))

Sambokojin, West Ave's birthday present to me. Yay! Thank you to the warm staff of Sambokojin. Your service is the best ever, so far! I will definitely come back! :)

The come-from-behind win of UST against NU is the best week-ender ever!  I am so so proud of Jeric Fortuna for that 3-pointer buzzer beater!

ADDENDUM

Can you guess, what I did, who I was with and where did I go on Wednesday night. :)

Random Thought 038

Brooke Davis wasn't lying when she said that "The bad guys lie to get into your bed. The good guys lie to get into your heart.."

Random Thought 037

This is one of the countless times that I wish I know better.

I'm not in the verge of giving up just yet. But I'm in the point where I start questioning my ability to get things done.

I don't even know if this is still what I want. If this is where I belong.

Sorry.

To my past that I didn't do good.

To the present, for disappointing myself.

To my future, for whatever stupid things I might do.

And as the rain falls down, my tears followed. 

Not from the eyes, but endlessly falling from my heart. 

Random Thought 036

Why do I feel alone, fat and ugly? Must be the rain.

Sympathy is the last thing I need now. I feel so pathetic writing this now.

And I officially joined the bandwagon of the /wrist type of girls.

What's wrong? Really?

SMASHED POTATO

I skipped work today for reasons that I cannot express here. But for one, the bad weather kept me in bed all day and the flooded areas along the metro contributed to my absence.

Due to boredom and my newly adjusted braces,

I made myself a mashed potato :)

Since my braces just got its adjustment,(thanks to Dra. Almond for the sky blue and baby pink rubber by the way) I knew that I will not be able to eat any solid food so I decided to make this. I know it doesn't look pleasing but I assure you that it tastes so gooood! :)

And my cousin could testify to this. :)

Shotgun

A quick glimpse of what has been happening to me for the past days (or months?)

My first UPLB experience for Ate Nissy's 23rd bday bash.

Epic night is epic! Can you guess? :)

Sundate with one of my best girl, Sam at Ace Water Spa, Mandaluyong

Ate at Uncle Moe's Shawarma. Rating: 7/10 Kabab is still the bomb! :)

Kuya Enzo showing off his SUNKIST ANGRY BIRDS. His baon buddy since he's schooling na :)

Late dinner at New Tohu, Binondo! :)

 One of the best Camaron Rebusado I've ever tasted! :)

 Baby Fuego being his usual makulit na self.

 Just like his Kuya. :)

Isn't he such a cutie? :)

Yea. Dingdong Dantes asked for a picutre with me at Post Manila, Makati :)

Rainy night ambush by Jeric and Tata. Nai Cha milk tea after Causeway's 40% off on all Dimsum carts.

White for a night! :)

Camwhoring with one of my best girl, Erika at Tides Shaw.

With the gang! Plus Jennika. :))

UAAP Season 75 Opening. My cousin in her most kilig smile.

 A heartbreaking loss against UST, but then again we thank Jeric Fortuna for the tickets. We still love you!

My first plate in Mr. Miyagi. Rating: 4/10. I'd still choose Sambokojin over and over again.

These people will agree with me for sure!

 Eto yung mga posts na di pinag-iisipan.


In case you're just interested of what's happening for the past 2 months. I've been busy with my work lately that's why I can't keep up with this blog.

I will try to get back on track!

Bye for now! :)

Let's put an end to this

This never ending cycle of breaking up and making up is not healthy anymore, you know? The endless fights. The petty quarrels. The negativity. Trust issues. Jealousy. Paranoia.

IT. GETS. TIRING.

I could not take the screaming and the yelling anymore. It was crazy and stupid but I had to do it. I need to get out of the car in the middle of the chaotic Highway 54. On a rainy Wednesday night. It was the only way out.

In that moment, I felt freedom but I was lost.

Walking in the middle of an unfamiliar place, crying is something people don't see everyday. I did not want people to draw their attention at me but I could not help if they find entertainment in my sorrow.

What's funny was that, I was laughing in between sobs, thinking "Is this even worth all the drama?" Not caring if people thought I was retarded or something.

Ayoko na. Ayoko na talaga.


Then you showed up. You wanted me to go back inside the car. I was to tired to ignore you, so I did what you say.

We tried. We cried. We talked. Ayoko na talaga. 


Pero hindi ko kaya. 




And eventually, after all the fights, the drama, the arguments, the misunderstandings and what nots, sumuko na tayo. 






Sumuko na tayo sa idea na maghihiwalay pa tayo.






Dahil hindi man lahat ng pagod nadadaan sa pahinga at pagtulog, naniniwala akong hindi din sagot ang pagsuko. :)

Random Thought 035

At this point in my life, I can't help but question, am I really being appreciated?

Random Thought 034

All I did was laugh GUFFAWED like a kid. I did not worry about looking foolish but I just let it lose. I forgot how happy I was before we happened. I forgot how well I was doing without anybody giving me that better feeling. I was happy. I was free-spirited. I was myself.

To Kim, DJ, Ate Nissy and my new found friends -- iskos and iskas, THANK YOU. For making me realize, I am fine. I need to be. And eventually, I will be.

Reverse Bittering

I’ve been MIA in the blogverse for more than a month and my emotions are in the state of supernova. A month of not writing about what I’m feeling is very hard that it unleashes my alter-ego. I felt like I was deprived of saying anything and as usual the i’m-not-in-the-position-to-say-anything dominated me. But I’m so over that phase. I’m keeping it real.

You are arrogant. The way you talk makes everybody roll their eyes with incredulity, leaving them unimpressed. I hate the way you dress. You are, without a doubt, a bad dresser. It irritates me so much that I do not want to see anybody who dresses up like you. It annoys me. Really. You need to know that you are lazy. I hate the fact that you depend on me and everybody else about almost everything. And I don’t need to go on the details because you know this very well. You are selfish. I hate that you think about yourself and not mind about how I feel. You are pathetic, a user, an emotional wreck. In other words, you are so gago. You need to know that I detest your reasoning about life and how things are unfair for you when in fact things are unfair for me because of the things you do. I hate everything that reminds me about you. What used to be our “happy place” suddenly became a cemetery of lost promises and broken vows. I hate the songs that remind me of you. Or even the commercials, the movies and restaurants we’ve been to. I just hate everything that has you in it.

These are the things I hate about you.

I hate that I was able to accept everything that I hate about you. I hate that I learned to embrace every bit of everything I dislike about you.

But what I hate most is the fact that I still can’t stop thinking about you.

Why We Broke Up*

It just faded. Everything just vanished into thin air. And you disappearing without any hint that it is done.  

How could you leave without saying goodbye? But who am I to even ask for a goodbye if we meant nothing but a huge lie?

What’s funny is that I honestly believed that this could turn into something great and wonderful because with you, I found myself smiling again. What’s even funnier is that one person is actually giving me that can’t-eat-can’t-sleep-reach-for-the-stars-over-the-fence kind of feeling again. My stomach instantly became a habitat for lost butterflies and I seriously welcomed it. Your corny text messages that I’ve probably reread for a million times never fail to make me smile. That euphoric bliss I get whenever you held my hand, your fingers laced through mine and the stolen kisses that I pretend to not like – these are sweet moments that I never got tired of reminiscing. Those few moments when you say your plans for the future and how sure you were that I am going to be a part of it was really touching. I held on to that. And the little things you do like when you play with my hair or you smell my hand or when you tease me how fat I am, but always knew that you didn’t mean it. These are the things that I miss most about you. I was actually, truly and genuinely happy. This is how I felt when I used to be with you.

Most people either dislike the C word or they are just not ready for the hassle that comes with it. And I completely understand that, because I myself want a stress-free and drama-free relationship. But with you, you instilled in me that when you are with someone – and I’m not really sure if that’s the correct term to use with you - you are committed at least for the moment that you are with him. You taught me that.

I learned to trust again. I gave a shot at this for I had known you long enough to believe that nothing could ever go wrong. You gave me the security that nothing terrible will happen to me, but never the assurance that the worse could happen to us – to what we have. But somewhere in between, I learned to accept that. Yes, we had our own set of arguments on what’s this and that but I embraced the fact that this could end without any warning. I was right.

None of these were in my plans but I guess, feelings are like the rain, you can avoid it but you can never stop it from falling so might as well, enjoy it. Savor the moment. Carpe diem.     

Undeveloped, the whole thing, tossed into the box before we really had a chance to know what we had, and that’s why we broke up.

I've been wanting to write all my thoughts for the past few days but I guess fate forbids me to do so. I need to keep details to myself just to avoid questions that I don't want to answer or better yet questions that I don't know how to answer. There is no better explanation on what'ts happening right now. I'm just holding on to the fact that right now, I am happy. I am better. I am stronger. I learned to detach my feelings from physical attraction. I have separated my willingness to do everything for him from my wanting to just be with him. It's easier. Just how we always want it. No pressure. No commitents. No drama.

Change

This is my first night here at the new house and up to now, I couldn't believe that for the first time in my twenty-one years of existence, I finally have a room of my own. Being the youngest in the house gives me a lot of privilege to sleep with ze parents most of the time even after the death of my dad. It's really a big change for me since I'm not used to sleeping alone. But what the hell, I'm twenty-one years old! I'm tough enough to overcome the fear of the boogeyman hiding in my closet. (Am I?)

Well, ATM, it doesn't really look like a room to me but a bodega since my stuff are still in boxes and plastics. But slowly, I'm trying to work things out. I have a lot of things going through my mind on how I want my "asylum" to be. But if you're a very close friend of mine you'll probably think that it is not really a good idea to let me "rule this town" since I am not blessed with the creativity. So to make things easier, I asked help from my sister-in-law. Hehe. :)

See the garbage bag and the box there? Those are my clothes. I still haven't transferred it to the cabinet yet because it stinks! I tried spraying cologne but the stinky smell still over ruled the perfume. Any tips?

I'd like you to know that this is a huge change for me. Really. But it is something that I was able to accept easily. I'm loving my new environment here and I'm really really looking forward to make lots of good memories in here. 

Thank You Good Lord for this change. I am happy. :) 

All Boxed Up!

I guess this will be the last time I'll be writing in this location because tomorrow, we're officially moving out from this abode we've been staying in for the last decade. 

Everything happened so fast and unexpected, the next thing I know, my mom already paid for the new house. 

I couldn't be more excited than I am right now. My mom and I decided that we will not move anything from the old house to the new house except for a few clothes and other necessities. So I'm planning to leave my bad memories behind. :)

I'm so thrilled to start the new phase of my life and I promise that good memories will be made there. I will try my best to not drag my negativity and problems into the new house. Good vibes lang. 

I just noticed that I lost the time to post here often. I've been busy lately with "stuff" that I plan to not anymore recall.

Tomorrow will be a new day. I'm saying thank you and goodbye to this shelter and I'm ready to embrace the the new environment that awaits me.

So goodbye for now and I'm ready to start fresh tomorrow.

Clean slate. New beginning. Fresh start.

Miss you!

Just because I got jealous of Mommy Erika's post with her adorable baby Sophie, I also want to share with you my love.

 Even if I molest this kid most of the time I still love him to bits. <3

Isn't he the cutest? I miss you Kuya Enzo! And baby Fuego too! :*

I can't wait for the day when I will have kids. I KID. :)