I've been wanting to write all my thoughts for the past few days but I guess fate forbids me to do so. I need to keep details to myself just to avoid questions that I don't want to answer or better yet questions that I don't know how to answer. There is no better explanation on what'ts happening right now. I'm just holding on to the fact that right now, I am happy. I am better. I am stronger. I learned to detach my feelings from physical attraction. I have separated my willingness to do everything for him from my wanting to just be with him. It's easier. Just how we always want it. No pressure. No commitents. No drama.

Change

This is my first night here at the new house and up to now, I couldn't believe that for the first time in my twenty-one years of existence, I finally have a room of my own. Being the youngest in the house gives me a lot of privilege to sleep with ze parents most of the time even after the death of my dad. It's really a big change for me since I'm not used to sleeping alone. But what the hell, I'm twenty-one years old! I'm tough enough to overcome the fear of the boogeyman hiding in my closet. (Am I?)

Well, ATM, it doesn't really look like a room to me but a bodega since my stuff are still in boxes and plastics. But slowly, I'm trying to work things out. I have a lot of things going through my mind on how I want my "asylum" to be. But if you're a very close friend of mine you'll probably think that it is not really a good idea to let me "rule this town" since I am not blessed with the creativity. So to make things easier, I asked help from my sister-in-law. Hehe. :)

See the garbage bag and the box there? Those are my clothes. I still haven't transferred it to the cabinet yet because it stinks! I tried spraying cologne but the stinky smell still over ruled the perfume. Any tips?

I'd like you to know that this is a huge change for me. Really. But it is something that I was able to accept easily. I'm loving my new environment here and I'm really really looking forward to make lots of good memories in here. 

Thank You Good Lord for this change. I am happy. :) 

All Boxed Up!

I guess this will be the last time I'll be writing in this location because tomorrow, we're officially moving out from this abode we've been staying in for the last decade. 

Everything happened so fast and unexpected, the next thing I know, my mom already paid for the new house. 

I couldn't be more excited than I am right now. My mom and I decided that we will not move anything from the old house to the new house except for a few clothes and other necessities. So I'm planning to leave my bad memories behind. :)

I'm so thrilled to start the new phase of my life and I promise that good memories will be made there. I will try my best to not drag my negativity and problems into the new house. Good vibes lang. 

I just noticed that I lost the time to post here often. I've been busy lately with "stuff" that I plan to not anymore recall.

Tomorrow will be a new day. I'm saying thank you and goodbye to this shelter and I'm ready to embrace the the new environment that awaits me.

So goodbye for now and I'm ready to start fresh tomorrow.

Clean slate. New beginning. Fresh start.

Miss you!

Just because I got jealous of Mommy Erika's post with her adorable baby Sophie, I also want to share with you my love.

 Even if I molest this kid most of the time I still love him to bits. <3

Isn't he the cutest? I miss you Kuya Enzo! And baby Fuego too! :*

I can't wait for the day when I will have kids. I KID. :)

I'm happy for you. :)

I guess it's pretty obvious that you make me happy. Pretty much ecstatic at times. I've never been in this feeling since I can't even remember when.

I relearned to love the butterflies in my tummy feeling again. I embraced the late night heart racing conversations with you. I got used to the good morning and good night texts once again. I honestly believed that this could be it.

No matter how hard I try to hold back the feelings, I just can't. And yes, you caught me off guard. It's never really my thing to talk about feelings and stuff especially if it involves us in it. But somewhere in between, I was sure that what we have (or had) was real.

I was happy, and for the first time, I found myself smiling again. :)

It was normal Saturday afternoon in your village. You said you wanted to talk privately so we hang out at the playground. It was a long awkward silence. And I knew something was wrong. Slowly, raindrops fell. We were both ready to run back at your house but it was too late. We both decide to play under the rain. We were laughing again. Teasing and chasing each other like 5 year olds.

I stared at you for a moment, I looked into your eyes and I can tell he wasn't happy.

"What we have, it's special, right?" I asked. And even if I wasn't ready for the answer, I am hoping and praying to God that I get the answer I want.

"Of course.."

Then you pulled me closer and hugged me tighter. You gave me a peck on the cheek and looked at me again

"But what we have did not make me love her less."

I was not sure if it was the rain or my tears were falling endlessly. I couldn't tell. All I know was that it was one of the most painful experiences ever.

I wanted to slap you on the face and beg on my knees to choose me instead. I wanted to get mad at you but I didn't.

"I'm happy for you.."

And that ended our story.


Disclaimer: This is just a fictional blog

High School Never Ends..

Last night was just a reminder that High School is something I will never ever forget. I maybe a bitch to most of the girls in the class and was the main target of the bullies in our section but nevertheless, I will never ever forget my memories I had in High School and how easier things were back then.

I was really surprised and overwhelmed to see almost everybody at Eryll's grad party at Lobster King in Seaside. It was unexpected that a lot would show up. Maybe because it was libre. Haha! But nonetheless, we owe a lot to Eryll and her parents for making this a success. It was like a High School reunion rather than her grad party. 

Years ago, most of us only drank water, juices and milk. But now, 4 years older and already mature, we learned how to loosen up and consume alcoholic drinks without any guilt or worries that our parents might scold us.

 It was High School all over again. The ever competitive section I grew up with is still the same today. Nothing really had changed. Well, a few inches taller and of course, added make-up on is just some of the minor changes most of us went through. It was not really a surprise to me but I was really ecstatic to see them all different. And I meant that in a good way.

 To Eryll Samot, thank you for this opportunity!

To my beloved section, Respect Batch 2008, these are memories worth keeping and remembering. I love you to bits!

And of course, to my BFFs, Fae and Kim for completing the night. Rose and Micah, you are missed!

And as the saying goes "High School never ends". And it never will in my heart. I love you guys to bits!