Part 3: And She's Getting Better :)

the last installment of my 3 part blog. you can read part 1 here and part 2 here. :)

__________________________

sometimes we do NEED to love a couple of wrong guys. so that we will be able to realize that the right one is still out there. WAITING. HOPING. and EXPECTING us.


enough of all the exasperation and lamentation.
so what if he dates several girls at the same time? not my problem anymore.


i wouldn't bother blabbing about what he did to me not because it's the right thing to do but because i can't afford to waste a minute of my life announcing to the world that he's a bad catch. (even if i already did.)

i've already squandered 4 months of my life being with him and all those wonderful days, thinking of could've beens and might have beens.

and i need to stop all the torture and masochistic acts.

the next time i'm gonna see him, i won't hide. i won't pretend that i didn't see him even if i really did.

naisip ko lang kasi na  if i'll get too affected with him being near me, what's gonna happen diba? it'll only look that i'm the one who's taking all the blame.
___________________________

i'd still love to see him happy. seriously. he deserves it.
and if dating several girls will give him the euphoric bliss he's seeking for, then i'll be the second happiest woman in the world (next to his mom of course).

if i need to pay just to see him smile, i'll be more than willing to do so.

i won't lie, i still care for him and i don't want to be the antagonist in his life. i can't be bitter about this anymore, i just need to accept the fact that I. STILL. WANT. HIM. AND.  I. LOVE. HIM. it won't change. maybe in time, it'll lessen, but the feeling will linger.

i can't be mad and blame him for moving on so quickly. that's a guy's nature.
it's not his fault if he's not armed with the knowledge about the three month rule, and finding someone to replace me in just a snap. he can do whatever his heart desires. after all, he's free.

and i am also free from his grip.
i should know how to accept things wholeheartedly. because it's the best thing to do.
it hurts so bad because i've loved too good. =">

destiny has its own way to make things better.

and i know i'll be better. i need to. i have to.

ginusto ko to e. panindigan na lang.



so anyone reading this, HI. I AM SINGLE. :))

The Formspring Myth

Random Thought. I don't feel like going to bed yet since Easy A finished playing. Nice movie.

I sort of see myself with Olive Penderghast (sorry if i mispelled it). A whore. A slut. A bitch. Who's pretending to be but really, she's not. I AM NOT.

For all you know, my Formspring account has created a lot of fuss lately. Not a big deal actually for most people. But, it is for me and for people who spend their everyday lives despising me, accusing me for stealing their boyfriend or their friend's boyfriend. Well, I hate to break you the news. I DID NOT STEAL ANYBODY'S BOYFRIEND or GIRLFRIEND for that matter. Sometimes, I get annoyed by people who ask stupid and repetitive questions about things I really don't know what the answer is. I won't be a hypocrite and deny all the things they are accusing me of. But ninety percent of them are not true. AT ALL. A rumor that started out small, turned out to be a big issue. A fabricated lie.

I always thought that college is filled with mature and EDUCATED people who think first before they act. Well I guess not. I am trapped in a world of aging people but with a mind of a High School student. GREAT.

I have a strong conviction that FORMSPRING IS FOR COWARDS WHO ARE BORED ABOUT THEIR LIVES AND THEY FIND SOMEBODY ELSE TO TALK ABOUT. How pathetic can that be?

I got the idea of creating my own FS from my good friend Jeric Fortuna who happened to be a famous basketball player in school. Plus he became one of the guys I am being linked with. Anyways, the first day of my Formspring fun I was already bombarded with almost a hundred question about the boys I've been with and even those I've been not. Get the scenario here? I don't know why people think maliciously about the things I do. UNFAIR.

Then it gets worse when somebody questioned my virginity and trying to confirm if I was two months pregnant. I am like WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? You got to be shitting me. Days passed and F-bombs landing on my face and names dropping like ripe mangoes during summer. My day won't end without someone calling me names. I tried to be cool with it, but it gets hurtful sometimes.

And then one person asked a question that struck me. I answered him/her with a blog. I was kind of hoping that all of my "followers" and "haters" would read it. Para lang matapos na ang di mamatay matay na issue tungkol sa "BEDISTA AT BASKETBOLISTA".

For the record, I am breaking this Formspring Myth by telling these to you:

• I am not pregnant
• I am still a virgin
• I am not dating Jeric Fortuna
• Or even Justin Francisco
• I am no longer with the Bedista (personal reasons)
• I have had three boyfriends: Arvin, Andrei and Conrad. And yes, no more reconciliation.
• Alvin Badillo and I were so last year and he's now with my teammate.
• I DID NOT STEAL ANYBODY'S BOYFRIEND.

If i missed out something to be clarified, just please ASK NICELY. 

If you don't want to believe me, then don't. I am telling the truth.

Did you know that "Gin Bulag" can really make people blind?

And yet, it was another night of booze drinking, cigarette puffing and card playing with friends. This time I was more comfortable with them since they are the ones I usually spend my drunken nights with. Forgive me for misplacing the camera. I only took this pictures from my phone so pardon me for the poor pixelate of the photographs. :))

DJ sporting his newest henna tattoo fresh from BORACAY!

My brother and sister from another mother (and father)

Aldrich and Kim

I've known these two back in Grade School but we didn't have the chance to be close like we do now since they came from the morning session and I, on the other hand, belong in the afternoon session.

As the night got deeper, some "unwanted circumstances happened. Like Kim being totally drunk. Haha! So what we did was...

You don't wanna know what Kim's initial reaction when she saw what we did to her. Haha! PRICELESS! Aldrich was the real mastermind behind this genius plan. :))

To You,

A question that got me thinking sa bad i almost cried. It's not because it was offensive but because it was a query that cannot be answered by a simple affirmation or negation. It was more than that. It needed supporting details and at the same time an honest heart to answer it.

Everyday, I convince myself that I am okay because I need to be. I am fine because I have to be, I am happy because I deserve to be. Crying won't make anything better. It was a principle I held on to almost all of my life. Because I believe that the most painful tear doesn't come from the eye, it falls endlessly from the heart.

I don't know how, why,where and when to start.

I don't know HOW to start letting it out. Thoughts just keep on flowing. It's starting to eat my whole being. how do i begin with my ending?

I trusted you. I trusted you too much that it made me believe that you won't break it. It's diffucult waking up at 3 in the morning, checking my phone and the picture of us is what i see. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU FOR LEAVING ME LIKE THIS.

*Note to self: NEVER GIVE YOUR TRUST TO ANYONE. It kills.

I don't know WHY did you have to do this? I entrusted my heart to you. Gave you everything. You made me believe that it will be different this time. Boys are like serial killers. Making you believe everything's fine at first, and then kills you in the end.

*Note to self: DO NOT BELIEVE IN "THIS TIME, IT WILL BE DIFFERENT". It's a fraud.

I don't know WHERE to start, back to basics. Let go. Move on. Get better. Until somebody walk sinto your life and it changes everything. Only to find out he's just one of those dumbass boys who will hurt you again.

*Note to self: BE CAREFUL. It helps.

I don't know WHEN will i start forgetting. I know this isn't like the first time. I've been through this a lot of times already. At ano? DI. PA. DIN. AKO. NATUTO. Maybe i hated him for a long time that i didn't realize it because i liked him too much that i got blinded by his sheepish yet perfect smile that went along with his big, dancing eyes, telling me "You're the one i longed for."

I WANTED THIS. I FELL FOR THIS. THIS MADE ME HAPPY ONCE UPON A TIME. BUT "THIS" ENDED RIGHT BEFORE OUR HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

*Note to self: REALITY CHECK! Be realistic!

Stupid. Stupid. STUPID!

To the person, who asked how's my heart, i hope you got your answer. It's beating. But struggling.

A night of chinese food and nostalgia

Kuya and his wife decided to have dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant in Kalaw -- DRAGON TEA HOUSE.

We all grew up loving this restaurant because it has became our dad's favorite. He also became this restaurant's regular customer, that's why everytime we dine-in, the staff really accomodates us.

A night of siomai, siopao, beef wanton and chicken feet surely satisfied our hungry stomachs. Plus the never-ending kwentos of my mom about dad and the childhood stories of my siblings. 

As we have our trip down memory lane, i can notice how they miss dad and my ate. And i do too. These are the times when we can't help but just be nostalgic about the moments we used to have as family. The time we spent together and the memories we shared as a family.

Dad and Ate Gladys, WE DEEPLY MISS YOU!!!

Struggling Students

This is the time of the year when students unite with a common goal -- LOG IN TO THE MYUSTE PORTAL. For three years now, it has been a struggle for us to check our grades on the release date since thousands of students simultaneously try to log in and check their grades. Personally I am one of those that couldn't log in and does not have enough patience to wait for the results. Luckily my good friend, Kaye Pe was kind enough to check it for me. And at last, I was able to see my mediocre grades.

 

I am not showing off. I just feel like posting it online because for three sems now, I don't have a grade of 3. Haha! Okay na yun diba? :))

Last two sems and we're ready to go! And for the record, i will not make any promise that I will do good next sem, because I know i will just disappoint myself. Haha! But I promise, that I will try very hard to not have a failing grade or even a grade of 3. 

To my fellow students, who can't see their grades, all i can say is that "GOOD GRADES COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT.."

Part 2: On Moving On

its weird how one day you feel like you'll never be able to live your life without that someone and then the next day you're doing exactly THAT -- not being with that person anymore. MASAKIT. SOBRANG MASAKIT. :(

moving on is like moving away from the things you once thought were best for you. but it's not a reason to break down because you should let him be happy and because you still love him that has not changed anything. you loved him not knowing whether he loved you back or not. you may have lost him (and the picture of you together) but you should never lose YOU. NEVER.

the world continues to revolve and whetHer you spin (literally) counterclockwise to slow down the world's angular momentum, thinking that you can still go back to what used to be, IT'S NOT GONNA WORK.

he moved on, and you might as well move on too.

___________________________

she has done letting it go. and she knows it's now time for her to move on. it's hard to not be affected by his presence. his sole presence alarms her whole system. everytime she sees him, she wants to tell him that she will never be sorry for loving him (though a part of her still is.) but maybe, if by any chance they met in another time and place there might be a better shot for their relationship to last. it would've worked out differently. siguro di lang siya ready sa forever, and so was she.

bitter? not much. she's just not open to the "we can still be friends" kind of shit. though she have already forgiven him, still she doesn't want things to be messed up. it's better this way.

second chances for the two of them will be impossible. even in the friends department.

"im sorry" doesn't make things better between them. the anger may have been gone, but nothing changed. it's good to keep the distance. she may still love him. but she will never let her world revolve around him, she's moving on. making her world lighter and pain-free. :)

she isn't a child anymore. she's 5 feet, 7 inches tall -- enough to reach for the stars and she knows that her star might fall on her and make her wish come true

her friend once said "di ka makakapag move on hangga't wala kang nahahanap na kapalit" .

if in the future she totally moved on, it is because of herself and her friends, not because she has found another.

time will come that if you sayl his name to her, she'll flash a sheepish yet perfect grin at you and say "yeah. i remember him. I LOVED HIM." and she knows it won't take long.

time flies faster than you think. even if it seems impossible.

YOU KNOW WHAT OVER MEANS? IT'S US.