Why We Broke Up*

It just faded. Everything just vanished into thin air. And you disappearing without any hint that it is done.  

How could you leave without saying goodbye? But who am I to even ask for a goodbye if we meant nothing but a huge lie?

What’s funny is that I honestly believed that this could turn into something great and wonderful because with you, I found myself smiling again. What’s even funnier is that one person is actually giving me that can’t-eat-can’t-sleep-reach-for-the-stars-over-the-fence kind of feeling again. My stomach instantly became a habitat for lost butterflies and I seriously welcomed it. Your corny text messages that I’ve probably reread for a million times never fail to make me smile. That euphoric bliss I get whenever you held my hand, your fingers laced through mine and the stolen kisses that I pretend to not like – these are sweet moments that I never got tired of reminiscing. Those few moments when you say your plans for the future and how sure you were that I am going to be a part of it was really touching. I held on to that. And the little things you do like when you play with my hair or you smell my hand or when you tease me how fat I am, but always knew that you didn’t mean it. These are the things that I miss most about you. I was actually, truly and genuinely happy. This is how I felt when I used to be with you.

Most people either dislike the C word or they are just not ready for the hassle that comes with it. And I completely understand that, because I myself want a stress-free and drama-free relationship. But with you, you instilled in me that when you are with someone – and I’m not really sure if that’s the correct term to use with you - you are committed at least for the moment that you are with him. You taught me that.

I learned to trust again. I gave a shot at this for I had known you long enough to believe that nothing could ever go wrong. You gave me the security that nothing terrible will happen to me, but never the assurance that the worse could happen to us – to what we have. But somewhere in between, I learned to accept that. Yes, we had our own set of arguments on what’s this and that but I embraced the fact that this could end without any warning. I was right.

None of these were in my plans but I guess, feelings are like the rain, you can avoid it but you can never stop it from falling so might as well, enjoy it. Savor the moment. Carpe diem.     

Undeveloped, the whole thing, tossed into the box before we really had a chance to know what we had, and that’s why we broke up.