“What happened to us”? I blurted out.
In the middle of a happy conversation, stupidity ate me alive. My brain neurons were salvaged by the third can of SanMig Light that it cannot function well anymore. The next thing I knew, my face was buried in his chest, his arms wrapped around me and my heart on my throat. How could somebody hurt you and still make you feel secured around his grip?
“Maybe because we were so open with each other and got so competitive that we both see it as a game and not a relationship anymore. Yung pambabae ko sinasabayan mo ng kalokohan mo. All I wanted was for you to say stop. Then I’ll stop.” and everything after that went blurry.
And there was silence. All I could hear was the sound of his car engine and “What Might Have Been” started playing in the background. My face was glued onto his chest. I could not sit straight. I know he could feel my overflowing emotion.
“..I’m ready this time I think that I am no longer undecided…” and he hugged me tighter. At that moment, I knew, I am ready. He wiped the tear from my eye, held my hand and kissed me on the forehead. I died. I smiled. I got to admit the song made everything sweeter. Old school but classic.
“I want you like that. HAPPY.” He said.
And I knew, somewhere in between that statement, something was wrong.
Me: I want you. Beside me.
Him: I am today. But I won’t be in the next days. I’m sorry.
We talked and agreed that we don’t stand a chance even in the friends department. It will go against our principles about the post break up syndrome even though we weren’t really together in the first place. Everything is too personal to share it here. All we know is that somewhere in our lives. There was “US”.
And just like any good movie, everything has to end. A can of beer and three sticks of cigarette concluded our story.
To you, I will miss you showing up in front of our house at 3 in the morning just because I wanted to eat burger. I will miss hanging out with you. I will miss your old school songs. I will miss your spontaneity. I will miss you holding my hand while you’re driving. I will miss your messy hair. I will miss your hot accent. I will miss staring at you. I will miss sneaking out with you. I will miss our sweet escapes. I will miss how you treat me like a princess. I will miss our movie marathons. I will miss your scent. I will miss your lighter. I will miss how you annoy me and then please me afterwards. I will miss taking a photo of you and then you’ll delete it after. I will miss your strong opinions about politics and religion. It makes me feel that I’m still young. I will miss how you complement my immaturity. I will miss how we are so different and yet manage to close the gap. I will miss how you tease me because I’m dark and you’re fair. I will miss how I feel short beside you even if you are not that tall.
And most of all, I will miss sitting at the trunk of your car, drinking, smoking and enjoying the view on top of Tagaytay until the sun rises. Thank you for driving me home safe always.
I WILL MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
P.S. There’s something in you. Something good. I’ve always wanted to tell you this. Not because we saw it in Beastly. Hehe! You should know that! And one last thing, you do look like Han or Hahn. The hair and the eyes. But he’s the hotter version of you! Haha!
And this is my last and memory of you. My last photo of you.
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